What to do if your friend is dating a loser
You’re probably at your wit’s end, but it’s hard to help someone who is deluding herself, trying to make something work that was broken from the start.Here’s some advice on how to help your friend dump that chump and get out of the situation that’s holding back her happiness.Stating the Facts Won’t Help Have you ever watched a horror movie and screamed, “Don’t open that door! It never works—the heroine always walks through the obviously dangerous door, right smack-dab into the carnivorous birds or league of zombies.Bad relationships are like that, except that the person keeps going back again and again for more no matter how loud you yell.If your friend is dating a chump, you’ve probably left enough obvious hints that her boyfriend is a good-for-nothing.Unfortunately, in these situations it almost never works to come right out and complain.Even if you can recite ten or fifteen specific times when he’s acted like a real jerk, doing everything from spoiling family functions to wrecking her credit history, you’ll probably find she’s got a pack of rationalizations to counter all of them.We can’t go anywhere without someone asking us, “How can I tell my friend-daughter-sister-niece-cousin she is dating the wrong guy?
She’s a brilliant researcher, a talented musician, and a wonderful friend. I have shared my concerns, but she says she loves him and that I simply don’t understand what a great guy he is."Katie’s response is typical. If you are a mother concerned about your daughter, the same is true for you. You must do everything within your power to stop her from crashing.
Women put their blinders on when it comes to men and shut out their friends’ comments and concerns…Unfortunately, most women feel that they shouldn’t speak up. If you saw your daughter trapped in a speeding car headed for a cliff, would you stand by and watch, hoping and praying things would work out for her? Whether you are a friend or a relative, here are your options: Option 1: Don’t say anything.
They’ve been burned when they tried to help before, and they don’t want to get burned again. Result: You now have a not-so-real friendship because you have to pretend to be supportive of her choice in a husband.
You make excuses for not wanting to spend time with them because he makes your skin crawl.
You slowly drift apart, and the very thing you were trying to avoid (losing her as a friend) happens anyway.